By Dr. A.T
Personal Background Information
Name: Olivia
Sex: Female
Age: 29
Marital Status: Married
Children: 1 child (Male)
Reasons For Seeking Counseling
1. The client complained that she felt unloved
2. The client feared rejection to the extent that she hated herself
3. The client was frustrated with her life and felt unappreciated
Overview
Her APS Report indicated that she was:
1. Supine in Inclusion
2. Melancholy in Control
3. Phlegmatic Supine in Affection
Session Notes
Session One: In our first engagement, Olivia entered the office looking sad, depressed, and tired. Besides, she seemed undecided whether she had made the right decision to seek counselling. Since I quickly noted her mood, I welcomed her warmly, prayed with her, assured her that she was in the right place, and asked if I could assist her. Although initially uptight, Olivia relaxed and began to air out her issues. Firstly, Olivia said she felt increasingly excluded and unloved by her friends and, more importantly, her spouse. Again, Olivia stated that she had begun hating herself because other people did not like her and wondered what she could do about it. Finally, Olivia expressed frustration with her life and felt unappreciated by most people, including her family.
Considering that she was confronting several issues relating directly to her life and wellness, I decided to deal with each issue separately to find the possible cause and a lasting solution. I began by asking her the reasons why she felt excluded and unloved. In response, Olivia stated that although she was married and had a son, she was a housewife and never had enough time to spend with her husband and friends. Due to the separation, Olivia experienced stress and thought she would soon disconnect from her social life.
Since our interactions would be guided by the results indicated on the APS form, I figured out that we required a proper arrangement that would suit her case. In this sense, I requested Olivia to grant me time to create and allocate several counselling sessions for her in my schedule, to which she agreed. Unlike how she came in, Olivia thanked me and left hurriedly. Although Olivia promised to communicate as soon as possible after the first session, it was not until six months when she called severally to check if I had scrapped her sessions off the schedule. Even though I had almost given up on her, I told her she could visit as long as she wanted.
Session Two:
Like most clients, Olivia had not yet fully understood the relationship between the results of the APS test and her predicaments. Nevertheless, I reminded her how it works and explained that we would analyze her situation and find lasting solutions to her problems through it. Again, I reminded Olivia that we would involve God in every step of the way to provide guidance, hope, healing and restoration. With such assurance, Olivia informed me that she would discuss more about her life in the following session.
Session Three:
Olivia started by telling me more about why she felt isolated and lonely. When she conceived, her husband convinced her to resign as a security officer and move in with him to avoid straining and jeopardizing the pregnancy. Although resigning was a good idea, as per the circumstances, Olivia loved her job and loathed staying at home all the time away from her friend’s and coworker’s company. Nevertheless, she resigned, hoping her husband would always be available and willing to spend time with her at home. As she stated, trouble started when her pregnancy advanced, and her husband was transferred to work in another state. During this time, she felt lonely and attempted to reach her friends in vain since most of them were single and busy.
On the other hand, her husband was very busy and came home rarely. In her mind, Olivia suspected her husband was making excuses to avoid spending time with her. Although such thoughts made her angry, disappointed, and frustrated, Olivia masked her feelings and never informed her husband. While narrating her story, Olivia became emotional and indicated that she felt deeply hurt by the experience. In response, I asked her whether she regretted or felt guilty about getting married or moving away from her social life. She replied that although she loved her family, she felt alienated and constrained. Since she is melancholic in control, I told her that it was normal to feel pressure under her husband’s authority. In this case, I advised Olivia to recognize her role in the family, pray to God, and discuss how to solve the issue with her husband. Although Olivia said she did not know how to go about it, I encouraged her to employ her leadership skills, and everything would be fine. More importantly, I told her to rely on my support and help whenever she needed it.
Session Four:
After three weeks, Olivia showed up for another session, looking unsettled and disappointed. I wondered why she looked so and where she had been because we had agreed that she would visit again after a week. Olivia said she delayed coming because she felt her problems had relented after the previous engagement. Not so long after, she started to feel sad again and thought it was necessary to attend another session. I had noted earlier that she had low self-esteem and negative self-perception. Considering this weakness, I encouraged and made her comfortable to talk more about her life’s ongoings. In this way, she decided to talk about her fear of rejection. When she joined college, Olivia stated that her friends left her sleeping naked on the school compound after a night out. This incident dented her image, drew too much publicity, and became the institution’s laughing stock. Olivia felt shame and tried apologising for her mistakes by behaving responsibly and making new friends. She felt hurt if people rejected or made fun of her when they learned of her woes. Such fear persisted even after college and moulded her into a people pleaser. Although she was supine in affection and inclusion, I told Olivia that she needed to defend herself from being manipulated by people who recognized her weakness. Again, I informed her that even though socializing was important, it would be better to please God by prayer and doing good work.
Session Five:
Per our arrangement, Olivia showed up for the fifth session after a week. This time, she revisited her marriage issues and stated that she felt unloved by her husband because he left her to work in another state when she needed him the most. Again, Olivia said she had lost most of her friends and married. Considering that she cried a lot and brought up the issue again, I realized she did not benefit much from the first session. I told Olivia that she was supine in affection, so she needed to receive love and affection. Again, I assured her that God, her friends, and her husband loved her very much, and it was only due to unavoidable reasons that they could not be together then.
Session Six:
In this session, Olivia wanted to talk about something different. This time, she said that she felt unappreciated. Olivia is a perfectionist, leader and is self-motivated. She has strived through a lot and even resigned from her job to protect her marriage and family. Since she loves recognition and gets angry when not told she is loved, Olivia started feeling that her husband did not appreciate her efforts. In response, I told Olivia that her husband might be choleric, which may be why he seemingly ignored her interests and attainments. On the other hand, I reminded Olivia that she needed to appreciate herself more and thank God for blessing her with a home and lovely family. Finally, I advised Olivia to draw closer to God through prayer, fasting, attending church and participating in charitable activities to restore her social life in ways that please God.
CONCLUSION
By the sixth session, Olivia had started showing good progress. Although initially unwilling to discuss her issues, she eventually communicated and loved herself more. Not so long after, Olivia visited me without an appointment with her son and husband. This time, she told me she wanted to join our church, get baptized again, and start her life afresh as a new Christian. I convinced Olivia’s husband to allow her to join our church and serve as an usher. To my surprise, he agreed and promised to support her if she would be given church responsibilities. I was glad that Olivia recognized her problem and sought to address it through the right channels before it worsened. More importantly and as a Christian student counselor, it was blessing to see Olivia change her heart, and start a new life with her family relying on God’s providence, guidance and protection.
